Retreat

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, “I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.” 

 So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, “Come on in.” When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

 A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke my window?”

“Uh…yeah, sir. We’re sure sorry about that,” the husband replied.

 ”Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see,

I’m a g enie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll Give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for myself.” 

“Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life.”

“No problem,” said the genie. “You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!”

“And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked. “I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,” she said. 

 ”Consider it done,” the genie said. “And your homes will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!”

“And now,” the couple asked in unison, “what’s your wish, genie?”

” Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.”

 The husband looked at his wife and said, “Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?”

 She mul! led it over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?”

 ”You know I love you sweetheart,” said the husband.

“I’d do the same for you!” So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. 

After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, “How old are you and your husband?”

“Why, we’re both 35,” she responded breathlessly.

“Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you  still believe in genies?”

Got this in a fwd.

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.

If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least.

If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.

Congratulate them and put them in top management .

It is just before the France v Brazil football match.
Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Well, we’re having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it’s important but it’s only France.
They’re sh!t and we can’t be bothered.”

Ronaldinho looks at them and says, “Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself-you lads go down the pub.”

So Ronaldinho goes out to play France by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.
After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads

“Brazil 1 – France 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)”. He is beating France all by himself!

A few pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers, “It must be full time now, let’s see how he got on.” They put the teletext on.

“Result from the Stadium ‘Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10minutes) – France 1 (Henry 89 minutes).”

They can’t believe it; he has single-handedly got a draw against France!!

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sitting with his head in his hands.

He refuses to look at them. “I’ve let you down, I’ve let you down.”

“Don’t be daft, you got a draw against France, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!”

“No, no, I have, I’ve let you down…I got sent off after 12 minutes.”